2012 Oscars Red Carpet: Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace

And Angie was all like,

“Fuck bein’ all classy and demure and innocent and shit! Today I’m goin’ to be all Megan (Fox) and all with my alter ego, Angelina Jo-Leg, y’all! (ps: the same alter-ego I use when I took Brad from that McSlut-whatever-her-name-is-Rachel-Greene-or-something?)”

What so funny about this picture is, from the waist up, they look like a totally normal couple, chillin at the Oscars and stuff, no big deal, and then suddenly Angie have to ruin it all with that pose. I mean, seriously Angie, WHAT IS THE FRIGGIN’ DEAL WITH THAT POSE?

I mean, as you can see here, she don’t even have to make that kinda pose. She don’t have to work a thing as that slit on the dress is already naturally open (insert “Your Mom” jokes here).

And btw, where the hell is Lea Michelle? Wouldn’t it be amazing if they both had a leg duel or something on this red carpet?

Now THAT would be something amazing..

2012 Oscars Red Carpet: Warming Up With Melissa Mccarthy

Dear whoever dressing up Melissa Mccarthy for the Oscars, how in the f**king world can you forget this?

Melissa Mccarthy at the 2012 Critic’s Choice Award in David Meister”]

[Melissa Mccarthy Critic's Choice Award

And dressing her up in THIS instead?

This is CUSTOM-MADE Marina Miraldi, which made it worse, since it is custom-made for her, it’s supposed to flatter the shit out of her. But instead of doing that, the designer take the safe approach and made the “standard-shaped dress for a big size gal”, which ended up looking like a tent like her. Come on, people. We’re not talking about any regular big-sized girl here. We’re talking about a big girl who can work a FULLY-SEQUINED FLOOR-LENGTH dress and still look as fabulous as hell.

I’m so disappointed with you designers. (I’m saying that in Tim Gunn’s voice, btw)

2012 Grammys Awards (Part 2)

More craziness and (of course) bitchery.

Kate Beckinsale in Zuhair Murad

Looks like something designed by someone with clinical depression.

Kathy Griffin

Will always be known as that dress Gwyneth Paltrow wear when she perform at the 2011 Oscars. And did she trade all those glitters for a bra strap? Wrong choice, dude.. Wrong choice..

Katy Perry in Elie Saab

Katy Perry is a very pretty girl, as we can see here, underneath all that crazy makeups and hoohas. And I admit that dress too, is very pretty. It just looks matronly on her. This dress looks like something Queen Helen would wear, except, if she were to wear it, of course she won’t go with a dull shade of blue (I’m thinking, red?).

And she wore this while performing ‘ET’ and her latest single (which sound JUST LIKE every other song she had ever sing), ‘Part Of Me’. I was wondering if that dude, second from right, is making that face because he can see her butt crack from the back.

Kelly Osbourne in Tony Ward

That’s some weird draping going on with that dress. Did somebody set the iron temperature a little too high?

Kelly Rowland in Alberta Ferretti

Love the hair. It set this look from looking a little too plainly sweet.

Malin Akerman in Cushnie et Ochs

The fitting of this dress is so weird.

Lady Gaga

The only thing I’m surprised at is how surprised Blake Shelton looked. He was all like, “Man, look at all those shit this girl is wearing. Aunt Shelly ain’t gonna believe shit when I told her about this once I get home.” This dude is obviously absent during the last year Grammys.

Miranda Lambert in Pavoni

This dress remind me of that small cushion you put on your sofa.

David Burtka and Neil Patrick Harris

What an adorable couple.

Paris Hilton

I think she kinda look pretty decent here. Probably because she knows her dog days are over.

Rihanna in Giorgio Armani

The blond do made her looks a little washed out. Otherwise, this is one smackin drop-dead gorgeous look.

And for her performance, she went on full leather camel toe.

ps: Still not as crazy as her decision to go back with Chris Brown.

Skylar Grey

Can’t help but to think maybe this is what Amy Lee, retired with five kids and now working at a cheap tattoo shop, would wear on her fourth wedding.

Taraji P Henson in Brian Rennie

What a weird combination of colors. Like, shiny pink at the top with mud-stained brown at the bottom, seriously?

Robyn

Am I the only one who think she’s getting a little too old to be dressing up like this?

Sasha Gradiva

My idea of a perfect world would be the guard stopping her at the entrance and says, “Bitch this ain’t a Halloween party. Get the fuck out.”

Nicki Minaj in Versace

“An arm-gun? Stupid hoe. If you want your own ‘Egg Moment’, you have to be more creative when choosing your props, like a pope or some shit.”

Taylor Swift in Zuhair Murad

Pretty gorgeous dress on a very bland girl.

2012 Grammys Awards (Part One)

It’s the Grammys, the Oscars of musics, only with more hoes and tacky bitches!

And so-called musicians (NOT ALL) parading and promoting everything but good musics!

Lets hit it hoes!

Adele in Giorgio Armani

Just so you know, what I said earlier DOES NOT applied to Adele here. Thank God she won big that night instead of Gaga or Katy Perry or Bieber. She totally deserved all those awards. Now be a good girl and go thanks your ex, honey.

And btw, she looks as gorgeous as hell.

Alicia Keys in Alexandre Vauthier and Swizz Beatz

Remember that time when Bieber wear a velvet suit to the VMAs and ended up looking like a lesbian vampire? Well, anyway, unrelatedly, I think he work the velvet suit like nobody can.

And as for her, I think there’s too many things going on with that dress, the shoulder pad, the neck piece and (especially) those ridiculous heels, and that hair. It’s a plain dress, but with ugly detailing. Which make it a plain ugly dress, I guess?

Amber Rose in Versace

Remember when Amber went to the VMAs with Kanye in that snake-print body suit? And now she’s attending the Grammys with her new boyfriend, Wiz Khalifa, which made me think: Does Amber secretly dates rapper so that she could attend award shows?

That dress is stunning though.

Anne V and Adam Levine

McSlutty and The Gorgeous.

Bonnie Rait

This remind me of the “X-Men: Last Stand” movie where Rogue take that shot that made her lose her power. 30 years later and here she is, promoting her book/memoir, “Mutant Powers: Life With and Without It”.

Bruno Mars

The suit is too big, but at the same time look too small on him. It’s like he borrowed it from a very tough, muscular midget.

Carrie Underwood in Gomez-Gracia

This is very pretty but I’ve seen this kinda dress on her for like, thousands of time.

Corrine Bailey Rae in Christian Siriano

I love the the overall theme of this look. Yes, the hair is pretty ugly but I can’t imagine Corrine wearing this dress with different hairstyle. The heels are a mess though.

Cyndi Lauper in Jean Paul Gaultier

Trust the old skools to show you how to work some crazy shit.

Deadmau5

Turns out the number written on his shirt is his friend’s phone number, and his friend later have to change his number. Well played. 10 points for trolling alone. I just pity the person who got the seat behind him.

Diana Ross

I can smell her hair from here. Nah I’m just kidding. Please don’t break my spine with your wrist.

Esperanza Spalding

Frankendress.

Fergie in Jean Paul Gaultier

Geez Fergie, God doesn’t create nude underlays for NOTHING, you know.

Foster The People

The brown pants left me speechless.

Giuliana Rancic

KILLA SHOES.

Gwyneth Platrow in Stella Mccartney

Another day, another Gwyneth Paltrow in form-fitting dresses with sexy cutouts. Yes, we know you have a killer bod (and this self-cleansing/beauty product to sell) but fashion-wise, it’s kinda tiring.

Hillary Scott in Monique Lhuillier

Like Gwynie, Hillary have her standard dress too – flowy, romantic, sweet Monique Lhuillier. And looking at the tightness of her heels, I’m surprised her toes aren’t turning blue in this pic. I hope she took it off before she have to have them amputated.

Jane Seymour

Fabulous, but I’m not sure if gold accessories is the right choice when you’re wearing a gold dress.

Jennifer Hudson

Too tight. And her performance are surprisingly mediocre.

Jessie J in Julien Macdonald

Man that bang looks fucked up..

Julianne Hough in Kaufmanfranco

She does look a little like Jennifer Aniston. But I think this look pretty nevertheless.

2012 SAG Awards Red Carpet (Part 4)

The last one, people.

Natalie Portman in Giambattista Valli

Looks weird.

Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji

The skirt remind me of a beach sarong. Don’t like it. Not keen on the hair either.

Paz Vega

Bore.

Rose Byrne in Elie Saab

I think she look as chic as hell. I just don’t think it’s appropriate for this kinda event. At least not this jumpsuit.

Shailene Woodley in L’Wrenn Scott

Very pretty. Looks a little underdone from the neck up, though.

Sofia Vergara in Marchesa

Of course. *yawn*

Stacy Kiebler in Marchesa

One of her personal best look. And probably one of the night’s best look too.

Tina Fey in Versace

Meh.

Viola Davis in Marchesa

Perfect dress for her. She looks amazing.

Zoe Saldana in Givenchy

Can’t believe this is Givenchy couture. Can’t believe this is Zoe Saldana. Can’t believe that this red carpet is actually this fucked up.

Tilda Swinton in Lanvin

Now I can believe that this IS one fucked up red carpet.

I STILL LOVE YOU TILDAAA!!!

2012 SAG Awards Red Carpet (Part 3)

Lets skip the intro and get to the dresses!

Jessica Chastain in Calvin Klein

I’m not sure about redhead wearing blue but she looks smashing. This is the best she had look in a while.

Judy Greer in Colette Dinnigan

The dress is nice and she looks pretty but the clutch is a little too.. pink?

Juliana Margulies in Calvin Klein

Pretty but a little meh, don’t you think?

Julie Bowen in Temperley London

It’s different from most of her looks before, I give it to that. And I think the look is not bad.

Kaley Cuoco in Ramona Keveza

She looks sweet but I don’t really love the dress.

Kelly Osbourne in Badgley Mishcka

Love this look. Love the sleeves of the dress but I’m not sure about the hanging strings though.

Kristen Wiig in Balenciaga

The dress made her lower half looks freakishly long. And that choker has GOT to go.

Kyra Sedgwick in Emilio Pucci

Weird cutout dress no 3.

She undeniably have a slammin’ bod but I don’t think this dress is the right way to show’em. It’s pulling her in all the weird places, especially the bust.

Maria Menounos in Dolce & Gabbana

Ekh.

Maya Rudolph in Naeem Khan

Pretty. But I wish it looks more interesting than an embellished blouse with a black skirt.

Melissa Mccarthy in Badgley Mishcka

Dammit she looks so cute! Well, the dress is okay but I’ve seen her in something more fabulous than this.

Meryl Streep in Vivienne Westwood

Wow.. It’s a Meryl Streep in a crappy, last-minute creation by Vivienne Westwood.

Michelle Williams in Valentino

It’s Michelle Williams not looking twee. And that’s about it.

2012 SAG Awards Red Carpet (Part 2)

Where’s all the big names (in fashion, not in movies), like Diane Kruger and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, (seriously, can somebody please get her to star in ANY awards-worthy movies? Even as a teeny tiny role? I’m dying to see her on the ACTUAL red carpet) when we need’em?

Anyway, lets get to the dress.

Amber Heard in Zac Posen

Weird cutout dress no 2.

Angelina Jolie in Jenny Packham

Typical Jolie pulling a typical Jolie.

Archie Panjabi

Flawless.

Busy Philips in SIMONE by Katie Nehra

Flawful. Don’t even care if that’s not even a real word.

Diane Lane in David Meister

Gorgeous.

Ellie Kemper

Love the color and the fit. She looks a little plain but pretty nevertheless.

Emilia Clarke in Chanel

Love it for no being a typical award dress. But anyway, I don’t think it’s appropriate for a daytime event.

Emily Blunt in Oscar de la Renta

Bored. I. Am.

Emma Stone in Alexander Mcqueen

She’s wearing a dress with the weirdest bust ever yet she manage to look very cute and pretty. Brava, Emma. Brava.

Giuliana Rancic

I think this is the prettiest I’ve ever seen her looks. I’m not sure if that’s a necklace but I love it. Gives a little ‘omph’ to the whole look.

Glenn Close in Zac Posen

Errrmmm…. No.

Gretchen Mol in L’Wrenn Scott

I think the dress is gorgeous. I’m just not sure about white and pale gold on a blonde.

Heather Lind

Boring black dress. Put on a headband and BAM! Classic elegant.

Jane Krakowski in Antonio Berardi

Poor girl. It’s a quite pretty dress, but you put it on her and suddenly it looks all wrong.

Jennifer Carpenter in Emilio Pucci

Pretty dress. Hate the shoes.